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Staple guns - because duct tape can't make that "Ka-CHUNK" noise
- xkcd

Saturday, January 8

Well, cleaning my tornado-swept room proved to be rewarding, as I came across a few papers from a long time ago. Both happen to be about heather. And now I shall share them.


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Reasons Heather = Slut

1. She's Scottish. Scottish = kilts. Kilts = slut.
2. She's thirsty. What could have made her mouth so dry? Slut.
3. She constantly has sex hair. Slut.
4. She "studies" with her man. Slutty McSlutterson.
5. She's short. Just the right height for... slut.
6. She's taking biology. What does one learn in biology? How about... human anatomy? What a slut.
7. Her favourite animal is sheep. What do sheep do? They go around, growing hair and having sex. Bahh.. bahh... slut.
8. She likes things to be neat and tidy. Smells like she's compensating for something. Slutface.
9. She has shoes and a plant named after her. Sounds like a porn star. Slut.
10. Her nose bleeds. I wonder why. I mean, crack whores' noses bleed, but that couldn't possibly be the reason. Slut.
11. She tries to steal my keys to the shaggin' wagon. I wonder what she wants that for... slutty driver...
12. She likes her own cleavage. Especially when it goes all the way to her chin. Cleavage slut.
13. She has named her own boobs. I don't want to say anything more. Juicy and Lucy = sluts.
14. Whe likes dollar stores. They have everything you want for just a dollar. She feels quite at home there. Cheap slut.
15. She has a trombone and knows all the positions... first position, second position, slut.
16. Just look at her pimp, Mr. Slut. Aww, how sweet... and slutty...
17. She can play trombone really well - her hand moves fast and she blows hard. I wonder where else she could use those skills... slut.
18. She has a set of sexy pens. Hmmm... sexy pens... I don't want to know where they've been. Slut.

*** This list has been approved by MMM.


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This list is ridiculous. You practically called yourself a slut a good number of times.

Nobody asked you. Now, on to the next one.


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This old whore, she played one
She won't stop until she's done
With a knick-knack, patty-whack
Give the whore a bone
This old pimp is going home

This old whore, she played two
Wonder what she's gonna do
With a knick-knack, patty-whack
Give the whore a bone
This old pimp is going home

This old whore, she played three
She brought home an STD
With a knick-knack, patty-whack
Give the whore a bone
This old pimp is going home

This old whore, she played four
She keeps coming back for more
With a knick-knack, patty-whack
Give the whore a bone
This old pimp is going home

This old whore, she played five
Can't believe she's still alive
With a knick-knack, patty-whack
Give the whore a bone
This old pimp is going home

This old whore, she played six
Think her ass is full of ticks
With a knick-knack, patty-whack
Give the whore a bone
This old pimp is going home

This old whore, she played seven
Started when she was eleven
With a knick-knack, patty-whack
Give the whore a bone
This old pimp is going home

This old whore, she played eight
She sleeps all day and works late
With a knick-knack, patty-whack
Give the whore a bone
This old pimp is going home

This old whore, she played nine
Hope she doesn't start to whine
With a knick-knack, patty-whack
Give the whore a bone
This old pimp is going home

This old whore, she played ten
Sometimes opts for gay women
With a knick-knack, patty-whack
Give the whore a bone
This old pimp is going home

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Will somebody out there throw something at this guy for me?

This savvy blog was posted by Accident at 1:33 p.m.


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