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Wednesday, December 29
People often wonder what I drive. Take Fil for example.
Hey - what kind of car do you drive?
See? They all want to know. And now you can.
Thanks to Vicky for that one.
Hey - what kind of car do you drive?
See? They all want to know. And now you can.
Thanks to Vicky for that one.
Something has come to my attention that I must address.
And what might that be?
Ah, Fil. Thought you'd left or something. Long time no... type...
Yes, indeedy. I was on vacation. Florida was wonderful.
I hate you.
Don't we all.
Anywho, I'd like to address the issue of Now and Later.
Now and Later? As in "I want to kick you Now and hit you Later"?
Five minutes back and already making cracks, huh?
Be honest - did you expect anything less?
Hells no.
That's what I thought.
Anywho, back to the issue at hand.
Whenever anyone says something like "I'll do that later" or "Yeah you should do that now", I never quite understand what they mean. Do they want this done within the next five minutes, days, or years? After much deliberation, I figured it all out. Every situation can be placed into one of the following categories, depending on the speaker's tone of voice, body language, and/or direct specification to this website.
The "Now"s
Now = A.S.A.P.
Now Now = Immediately (ie. life or death)
Now Later = as soon as all other necessary activities are accomplished (ie. dinner before movie)
The "Later"s
Later = "sometime" (ie. no intention of ever doing this)
Later Later = the future (ie. "growing up")
Later Now = in the near future (like in a week or a day)
Others (that I'm too lazy to define):
Later Now Later
Now Later Now
Now Later Later
Later Now Now
Now Now Later
Later Later Now
I hope you find this guide helpful. If you think it's just a huge pile of crap, you're probably right. If you're actually considering using this, you officially have less of a life than me and should therefore get a job. At least I'm a janitor. What does this have to do with what I'm talking about? Who knows? Who cares?
And what might that be?
Ah, Fil. Thought you'd left or something. Long time no... type...
Yes, indeedy. I was on vacation. Florida was wonderful.
I hate you.
Don't we all.
Anywho, I'd like to address the issue of Now and Later.
Now and Later? As in "I want to kick you Now and hit you Later"?
Five minutes back and already making cracks, huh?
Be honest - did you expect anything less?
Hells no.
That's what I thought.
Anywho, back to the issue at hand.
Whenever anyone says something like "I'll do that later" or "Yeah you should do that now", I never quite understand what they mean. Do they want this done within the next five minutes, days, or years? After much deliberation, I figured it all out. Every situation can be placed into one of the following categories, depending on the speaker's tone of voice, body language, and/or direct specification to this website.
The "Now"s
Now = A.S.A.P.
Now Now = Immediately (ie. life or death)
Now Later = as soon as all other necessary activities are accomplished (ie. dinner before movie)
The "Later"s
Later = "sometime" (ie. no intention of ever doing this)
Later Later = the future (ie. "growing up")
Later Now = in the near future (like in a week or a day)
Others (that I'm too lazy to define):
Later Now Later
Now Later Now
Now Later Later
Later Now Now
Now Now Later
Later Later Now
I hope you find this guide helpful. If you think it's just a huge pile of crap, you're probably right. If you're actually considering using this, you officially have less of a life than me and should therefore get a job. At least I'm a janitor. What does this have to do with what I'm talking about? Who knows? Who cares?
Thursday, December 23
Tuesday, December 14
A Story of Much Awesomeness
It was a Tuesday and the smell of gunpowder hung in the air. It was raining cats and dogs. Literally. All the trees were full of animals! The path I was on was littered with them. It was quite loud.
I was stepping over a large turtle when I came across a trough. It was still full of water. A sheep was drinking from it.
Smiling (because I like sheep), I kept walking, when I encountered a tree lying across the path. The reason for its brokenness came to me as I beheld a hippo in its branches.
Next, I found a monkey clutching a set of keys. Very odd, thought I. I grabbed the keys and the monkey shrieked and ran away. A little shaken up, no doubt.
After a little more walking, I came across a snake. It was very large. When it tried to bite me, I broke out in kung fu. After it was properly knotted around the hippo, I continued on.
Finally, I came across something I didn't expect: a giant fence. This wasn't an ordinary stay-off-my-property-you-hooligans fence. This thing was big enough to guard a castle. However, upon closer examination, it turned out to be a cage. It was full of birds. Being the nice freedom-loving guy I am, I unlocked the cage with the monkey keys and the various assortment of birds flew away. However, the birds that could not fly remained.
After much endurance of eye-poking, I had thrown all the non-aviatory birds out of the cage. It was difficult, but rewarding. Exiting the cage, however, I saw that a lion had eaten all the birds. Furious, I headbutted him in the head. He promptly went down like a tree with a hippo in it.
After all this ass-kickery, I was pretty thirsty. I went a little further on and came across a lake. I dove in, only to discover that the lake was three feet deep. It hurt.
Wading around, I found that the lake lead to a waterfall. Standing near the edge, I beheld the reason of the raining of various animals: somebody had blown up the zoo.
I was devastated. I hurredly jumped off the waterfall and deployed my parachute, which carried me down into the blown up zoo. There I saw a man with a zoo-bomb detonator, and circle-beat him by myself. Despite my awesomeness, however, the police soon arrived and arrested me for releasing the zoo's exotic birds. I hate this country.
The End.
It was a Tuesday and the smell of gunpowder hung in the air. It was raining cats and dogs. Literally. All the trees were full of animals! The path I was on was littered with them. It was quite loud.
I was stepping over a large turtle when I came across a trough. It was still full of water. A sheep was drinking from it.
Smiling (because I like sheep), I kept walking, when I encountered a tree lying across the path. The reason for its brokenness came to me as I beheld a hippo in its branches.
Next, I found a monkey clutching a set of keys. Very odd, thought I. I grabbed the keys and the monkey shrieked and ran away. A little shaken up, no doubt.
After a little more walking, I came across a snake. It was very large. When it tried to bite me, I broke out in kung fu. After it was properly knotted around the hippo, I continued on.
Finally, I came across something I didn't expect: a giant fence. This wasn't an ordinary stay-off-my-property-you-hooligans fence. This thing was big enough to guard a castle. However, upon closer examination, it turned out to be a cage. It was full of birds. Being the nice freedom-loving guy I am, I unlocked the cage with the monkey keys and the various assortment of birds flew away. However, the birds that could not fly remained.
After much endurance of eye-poking, I had thrown all the non-aviatory birds out of the cage. It was difficult, but rewarding. Exiting the cage, however, I saw that a lion had eaten all the birds. Furious, I headbutted him in the head. He promptly went down like a tree with a hippo in it.
After all this ass-kickery, I was pretty thirsty. I went a little further on and came across a lake. I dove in, only to discover that the lake was three feet deep. It hurt.
Wading around, I found that the lake lead to a waterfall. Standing near the edge, I beheld the reason of the raining of various animals: somebody had blown up the zoo.
I was devastated. I hurredly jumped off the waterfall and deployed my parachute, which carried me down into the blown up zoo. There I saw a man with a zoo-bomb detonator, and circle-beat him by myself. Despite my awesomeness, however, the police soon arrived and arrested me for releasing the zoo's exotic birds. I hate this country.
The End.
Friday, December 10
STORY TIME!!!
It was a dark and stormy night. The tall stone fortress stood on the cliff. Atop one of the corner towers stood a man. He was quite tall. His gaze was hard enough to turn coal to diamonds. Suddenly, the ghost of Colonel Sanders appeared before him, offering a bucket of tasty fried chicken.
"I don't want your friggin' chicken!" exclaimed the lonely man. "Swiss Chalet is better! Besides, I'm busy looking for coal. I thought of this great money making strategy..."
"The Colonel always does chicken right!" boomed the ghost. "You will pay for your insolence!" whereupon the ghost threw his ghastly chicken in the coal-man's direction and disappeared.
"You'll pay for that one!" the man yelled.
"Not until you eat it" retorted Sanders, suddenly reappearing with a dish of coleslaw.
"That chicken hurt!" said the man. "And do you know why? It was OVERCOOKED!"
"Noooo!" screamed the ghost. "Never insult my chicken!" The Colonel sprayed coleslaw into the man's face, sweeping his pimp cane to take out the man's knees. The man couldn't stand for this. He grabbed his partisan (because all people standing watch have partisans) and thrusted it at the ghost. At that precise moment in time, all the deep fryers in the world felt a large blow of destruction.
"NOOOOO!" shouted Sander's ghost. "Now my plans for greasy world domination are ruined! And it's ALL YOUR FAULT!"
As the ghost writhed in agony on the ground, the mysterious man stepped back and removed his mask.
"Jared?" Sanders gasped.
"That's right, and I'm putting you out of business for good. With KFC out of the way, Subway will rule the fast-food world! BWAHAHAHAHA!"
The End.
It was a dark and stormy night. The tall stone fortress stood on the cliff. Atop one of the corner towers stood a man. He was quite tall. His gaze was hard enough to turn coal to diamonds. Suddenly, the ghost of Colonel Sanders appeared before him, offering a bucket of tasty fried chicken.
"I don't want your friggin' chicken!" exclaimed the lonely man. "Swiss Chalet is better! Besides, I'm busy looking for coal. I thought of this great money making strategy..."
"The Colonel always does chicken right!" boomed the ghost. "You will pay for your insolence!" whereupon the ghost threw his ghastly chicken in the coal-man's direction and disappeared.
"You'll pay for that one!" the man yelled.
"Not until you eat it" retorted Sanders, suddenly reappearing with a dish of coleslaw.
"That chicken hurt!" said the man. "And do you know why? It was OVERCOOKED!"
"Noooo!" screamed the ghost. "Never insult my chicken!" The Colonel sprayed coleslaw into the man's face, sweeping his pimp cane to take out the man's knees. The man couldn't stand for this. He grabbed his partisan (because all people standing watch have partisans) and thrusted it at the ghost. At that precise moment in time, all the deep fryers in the world felt a large blow of destruction.
"NOOOOO!" shouted Sander's ghost. "Now my plans for greasy world domination are ruined! And it's ALL YOUR FAULT!"
As the ghost writhed in agony on the ground, the mysterious man stepped back and removed his mask.
"Jared?" Sanders gasped.
"That's right, and I'm putting you out of business for good. With KFC out of the way, Subway will rule the fast-food world! BWAHAHAHAHA!"
The End.
Thursday, December 2
Wednesday, December 1
Credits
Blogger.com
Haloscan.com
Imageshack.us
WeatherPixie.com
.