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Wednesday, October 12
You know, living in Toronto for a month and a half has already made me a professional on matters involving public transit - specifically, the bus. The bus is an unusual and amazing place where just about anything could happen - things explode, people fight, old people make out - you name it. And so, given my expertise, I will give you a brief overview of a few of the typical people you'll see if you so choose to ride the rocket.
The Student:
The bookbag-toting, breakfast-eating, last-page-of-homework-finishing student on their way to school. They can be easily spotted with their overly-stuffed backpacks (not to be confused with the ordinary backpacks EVERYONE else carries). Best giveaway is when you see one crack open a textbook to finish up those last couple questions.
The Loud-Mouth Teens:
On your average bus ride, you can expect to be utterly annoyed by a couple teenage girls. These girls will talk so loud that they'll get odd looks from people in surrounding cars - and I'm not even exagerating here. They'll talk about whatever mindless drivel they so choose - can range anywhere from how great their boyfriends are to how stupid their boyfriends are.
The Old Chinese Man:
Now don't consider me racist or age..ist... here - all I'm saying is that there is usually some older guy who's primary language is not english. This man will be utterly confused about the fare, the transfers, the stop signal, sitting down - just about everything you could ever imagine. And if he spoke more than "yes" in english, you might just want to help him.
The Family:
This will always consist of at least one parent and usually about three children. There is lots of variety here, though, since families can come in just about any size with any age range with any number of parents. The kids can be loud, the parents can argue, the kids can run all over the bus and trip and fall or get lost.... the possibilities are endless! And keep in mind that this group can overlap with the loud-mouth teens or old chinese man.
The Serial Killer:
This is the guy that looks like he'll wring your neck at the first available opportunity. He tends to show up late at night more often than not, and has a knack for sitting at the far rear of the bus. On the rare occasion that this man be found during the day when its busy, you can be sure that no one will be sitting next to him.
The "Lovebirds":
Perhaps the easiest to spot - but can sometimes be confused with the "Joined by the Lips at Birth" group (not covered in this overview). If they can't find two seats next to each other, they'll stand right in front of you and make out for the greater part of the trip. This is the funnest group to "accidentally" knock over during a particularly bumpy piece of road. Beware, though, as this group can be of any age. Averting the eyes from those less inclined to youth may be necessary unless you happen to have good gag reflex control.
Well, that pretty well summarizes exactly the types of people you can expect to find on the oh-so-unhygenic commute. I think this must be the reason people carry guns in New York.
***NOTE: If you actually take any of this seriously, and think that I'm a prejudist pig, you're probably right. I mean wrong. Don't take me seroiusly.
The Student:
The bookbag-toting, breakfast-eating, last-page-of-homework-finishing student on their way to school. They can be easily spotted with their overly-stuffed backpacks (not to be confused with the ordinary backpacks EVERYONE else carries). Best giveaway is when you see one crack open a textbook to finish up those last couple questions.
The Loud-Mouth Teens:
On your average bus ride, you can expect to be utterly annoyed by a couple teenage girls. These girls will talk so loud that they'll get odd looks from people in surrounding cars - and I'm not even exagerating here. They'll talk about whatever mindless drivel they so choose - can range anywhere from how great their boyfriends are to how stupid their boyfriends are.
The Old Chinese Man:
Now don't consider me racist or age..ist... here - all I'm saying is that there is usually some older guy who's primary language is not english. This man will be utterly confused about the fare, the transfers, the stop signal, sitting down - just about everything you could ever imagine. And if he spoke more than "yes" in english, you might just want to help him.
The Family:
This will always consist of at least one parent and usually about three children. There is lots of variety here, though, since families can come in just about any size with any age range with any number of parents. The kids can be loud, the parents can argue, the kids can run all over the bus and trip and fall or get lost.... the possibilities are endless! And keep in mind that this group can overlap with the loud-mouth teens or old chinese man.
The Serial Killer:
This is the guy that looks like he'll wring your neck at the first available opportunity. He tends to show up late at night more often than not, and has a knack for sitting at the far rear of the bus. On the rare occasion that this man be found during the day when its busy, you can be sure that no one will be sitting next to him.
The "Lovebirds":
Perhaps the easiest to spot - but can sometimes be confused with the "Joined by the Lips at Birth" group (not covered in this overview). If they can't find two seats next to each other, they'll stand right in front of you and make out for the greater part of the trip. This is the funnest group to "accidentally" knock over during a particularly bumpy piece of road. Beware, though, as this group can be of any age. Averting the eyes from those less inclined to youth may be necessary unless you happen to have good gag reflex control.
Well, that pretty well summarizes exactly the types of people you can expect to find on the oh-so-unhygenic commute. I think this must be the reason people carry guns in New York.
***NOTE: If you actually take any of this seriously, and think that I'm a prejudist pig, you're probably right. I mean wrong. Don't take me seroiusly.
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